Tag: mental health

Is Your Relationship Healthy?

May 18, 2018

healthy relationships, is your relationship healthy

“Falling in love and having  a relationship are two different things” – Keanu Reeves

Relationships are at the center of everything in our lives. We make friends, we fall in love, we connect with people all around us in the world – it all sounds kind of beautiful, doesn’t it?

Being in love can be one of the most amazing and rewarding feelings one can experience but, sometimes love can feel not-so-great or even cause you to stay in a unhealthy relationship just because you are holding on to that feeling.

How can you tell if you are in a healthy relationship? You may think that this should be a pretty obvious thing to figure out, someone should be able to tell they are in a bad relationship.  As an outside perspective, spotting an unhealthy relationship tends to be fairly easy but, sometimes when you are the one involved, your emotions can cloud your judgements and create a skewed perspective of the situation.

Are you and you significant other open and honest with each other?

Your significant other should not only be someone you love romantically, they should also be your best friend. By this, I mean you should feel comfortable to talk to them about literally anything – without fearing judgement.

Communication is key to any relationship.

Communication helps build a foundation of trust that is essential in a healthy relationship. You should be able to talk freely and express a desire to learn the details of each other’s personalities and lives. This allows for the establishment of a deeper and more meaningful connection with you partner.

Not only should you be talking about your lives and things like the type of day you had, you should also be talking about any issues that come up pertaining to the relationship. This part can be a little uncomfortable for a lot of people because they may feel as if they may upset their partner or cause an unnecessary fight. If something bothers you, it is worth talking about.

Seriously – talk through issues!!

A relationship can only work if both individual’s involved are willing to work together through any issues or rough patches that come up. This can be hard to really, actually understand, especially in newer relationships where you both may seem to get along perfectly during the “honeymoon phase”. You may think that you will be able to work together but when the time comes, someone falls short.

Don’t be naive going into a relationship. Expect rough patches, expect to be mad/upset with your partner at some point – trust me, it will happen. This is all normal. But being able to talk through these emotions can help resolve any problems before they turn into a bigger issue. If you bringing up an issue that you have in the relationship is met with hostility from your partner, this is not a very good sign. They should be willing to work through things with you.

Main point – you should be able to talk to your partner about anything and everything.

Is your partner supportive?

Being able to support one another is another very important aspect of a healthy relationship. You should feel like your partner is supportive of the things you are involved in whether it’s school, work, or even a hobby. They should not be making you feel judged about the positive decisions you make in your life.

Do not let a relationship get in the way of your goals!!I have seen a lot of people that give up going away to a really great university solely because they didn’t want to be apart from their boyfriend/girlfriend or other situations such as that. This breaks my heart because no one should feel like they have to give up on their dreams or goals in order to keep their relationship.

Relationships, if they are stable and strong, can last the distance and time apart. Although it is possible, I am definitely not saying that it will be easy. There is a lot of trust involved and a lot of emotional support that is going to be needed (on both sides) to get through being apart for an extended period of time. BUT if that is was you truly want to do, you’re partner should be able to be there for you. Even if they are upset about your decision, they should still want what is best for you and be respectful of your life goals.

Don’t neglect emotional support

Relationships are all about emotions – hopefully positive ones. You and your significant other should make each other happy, truly happy. They should make you feel special in a way that you know they love you and truly care about you. You shouldn’t have to guess to question your worth to them.

If you are reflecting on your relationship and you see that yes, they do make you happy BUT… then there is an issue. Your partner being caring and loving towards you (or even just being nice) should not be a conditional thing.

Apart from simply making each other happy, you also need to know how to be there for each other. As sappy as it may sound, your significant other should be your safe place. You should be able to turn to them when times get hard and know they will be there to comfort you and do their best to help you in any way they can.

You should never feel ashamed or embarrassed about your feelings/emotions around your partner. Being able to express yourself, including your emotions, freely is so important not only for the relationship, but for your own mental integrity.

express an interest in each other

This goes beyond the physical attraction you may have towards your partner. I think one of the best feelings is when someone genuinely wants to learn things about you. Things like what your favorite color is or what weird quirks you may have; things that seem insignificant to you yet, they still want to know. Being involved and interested in your partner’s life is important – and visa versa.

Get to know each other.

Are you able to be yourself around your significant other?

As I mentioned before, your partner should also be your best friend. You should feel like you can be your uncensored, real self when you are around them – and be comfortable with it.

Having compatible personalities and shared interests is a great basis for a relationship. This may make it easier to feel comfortable talking to each other because you understand each other and have lot of things to connect with on.

You shouldn’t feel like you have to change yourself to be with them.

If you feel like you are constantly trying to appease your partner or trying to meet some sort of expectations that they have for you, you may want to rethink the relationship. I can say from personal experience, staying in a relationship where you feel like you are constantly trying to prove yourself to them and that you are never going to be good enough can be very damaging to your own emotions and sense of self worth.

I am not saying that you should cling to bad habits or that you and your partner should have everything in common. You may not agree with everything but, even if they may not share an interest you have – they should at least be respectful of it and not make you feel like you aren’t “allowed” to have that interest or make you feel guilty about it. Everyone has their own hobbies and interests, keep that in mind.

Relationships can be a beautiful thing, a personal experience shared between two people who love each other. Find someone who is willing to be there for you through the good and the bad, someone who loves you for who you are and supports you in your endeavors. Find someone who genuinely cares for you and is interested in learning everything there is to know about you.

Remember your worth, and do not accept being treated less than what you deserve. Even if you are happy sometimes or sometimes they make the relationship worth your while. You deserve to be happy loved unconditionally – remember that.

Fairwinds,

Capn Kelso

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How Social Media May Be Ruining Your Life

March 8, 2018

Is social media ruining your life_

Ways Social Media Is Ruining Your Life

Social media has definitely been an ever-growing presence in today’s society. This has been very influential in many ways, some of them good. It has allowed us to connect and share information with people around the world. We can learn about different places and people simply by looking at their profile. We can actually feel like we know these people, understand them and sometimes, we want to be like them. We see their fancy posts when they went out to dinner or a party at some seemingly high-end place you’ve never even heard of. They’re vacationing in exotic places you can only imagine going to and doing things you dream of doing. After looking at these posts you may look back on your own life and begin to doubt yourself. Don’t let other people on social media run your life.

Posting the Positive

What we post on social media is, for the most part, the positive moments – the highlights of our lives. When you look at someone’s posts on their social media, you only get half of the real picture. You see what they WANT to post, what they WANT you to see. Only they know what is happening on their side of the screen, or “behind the curtain”. We look at these positive posts being practically shoved in our face and with that can come an overwhelming need/want to fit in with these people, even if we don’t know them. We want to have what is being perceived as the perfect life or #lifegoals. What we tend to forget are that these are real people living real lives. Life isn’t perfect, and that is okay. Every one has ups and downs. 

Likes & Followers

Sometimes it may seem like worth is measured in likes and followers. Your popularity and value to the world is strictly based on how many people (strangers) like your posts or follow whatever feed. There are even cases when people get so caught up in the numbers they forget to enjoy the real moments in their life because they are too worried about taking the perfect picture to post. Worried about what is going to get the most likes. Social media used to be a fun thing when it first started. A brand new, simple way to communicate with friends and family, and maybe even meet some new people that you would never normally meet. Social media is a connection to the world. This can be both a positive and negative thing, depending on how we utilize it. You don’t need to worry about your likes or follow count, have fun with social media. Have fun sharing the things you are passionate about or the exciting moments in your life without worrying about the numbers. Don’t go through life with your face shoved up to a phone screen – there’s a whole world out there, go explore it!  

Stop Comparing

Because of the overbearing presence social media has in our lives, it has become very easy to compare ourselves with others. Learn to reflect on all of the things you have accomplished in your own life. (Even if you think someone’s accomplishments are “better”). Be proud of what you have done. The only thing that comparing yourself accomplishes is adding to the anxiety and stress you put on yourself striving to achieve what you think is the “perfect life”. That “perfect life” your looking at isn’t real. Stop comparing yourself to that girl or guy on the internet. If you want to change your life and accomplish more, put yourself on the track to get there! Make the person that you look up to be YOU.

A strong need to fit in and look or act a certain way can be especially concerning in the younger crowd. This can lead to all sorts of problems including social peer pressures. Kids think they need to do certain things they are seeing on social media because if they do it might make them “popular”. And let’s face it, people nowadays will do the dumbest things for popularity (*cough* tide pod challenge? *cough*). At that point, you definitely don’t want to be like those people on the internet. Be your own person, even online. Do something different from everyone else and be yourself.

#procrastination

I have talked about procrastination before in another post here on my blog [read it]. We all have a tendency to get distracted by more entertaining or enticing activities that seem way more exciting then the tasks we need to be doing. How much does social media play a role in our distraction? Usually A LOT. Instead of doing homework or house work, we could be catching up on the latest posts on Instagram. I mean, how can we sit and do tedious work when we might miss a new post! I think we need to remind ourselves that the posts will be there waiting for us long after the work is done. Don’t be defeated by an app!

Overall social media is both a good AND bad presence in our lives. But, since it seems like it’s here to stay we might as well learn how to live with it in a healthy way. Don’t let it ruin your life.

Fairwinds!

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